Dear Jodi
by shouvley
Summary: Kyle is forced to leave Jodi behind when he and Ian leave to go on the run. He promised to write her and let her know what he was doing. These are his letters.
1. May 19

5/19  
>Dear Jodi,<p>

I hate that you're making me write this. I have better things to be doing that writing in this ridiculous notebook. I'm tired, I'm hungry, and Ian is annoying the hell out of me. I might stab him with this pen. And it would be all your fault.

It's freezing in this cave. If you can actually call it a cave. It's more like a rocky overhang. I wish I could build a fire but that's like putting up a flashing neon sign saying "Please, come kill me." Pisses me off more than anything else.

And Ian is sitting next to me, sighing loudly every few seconds letting me know he doesn't approve of my use of the flashlight. I made sure to check that you can't see it the way I'm sitting, but he's been a Nervous Nelly these past few days. I plan to throw it at his head when I'm finished using it.

Is this really what you want to know? You really want to hear about my homicidal tendencies?

I don't know what you want to hear.

I can feel the look you're sending me right now. I know, I know. I promised I'd do this. So I will. But that doesn't mean I have to like it.

So, you want to know _everything_ that I'm doing? Fine, you asked for it.

Today, Ian and I went around from house to house, stealing some food and supplies. It felt wrong because we know some of the people are still human, haven't been attacked yet, but there's no way to tell unless you get close enough to see their eyes. And there's no way in hell we're doing that.

The house we were in today was a nice house. It reminded me of the house I grew up in. There were toys thrown all around the living room floor and the kitchen sink was full of dirty dishes.

It looked like a real family lived there and it wasn't hard to imagine that this could have been our house. As soon as I thought of that I had to leave as soon as possible. It hurts just to think about.

If life was normal, we would be married already. I try not to think about it too much because the pain is too much. I know we said we wouldn't talk about it, but I'm writing, not talking. That changes the rules. I'm going to say my piece and you're going to read this and not complain about it.

I wish you would have come with me. I know your family needed you, but I need you to. And even though it's not legal, you are my wife. I could never love someone as much as I love you. I know you think declarations like that are corny, but it's the god's honest truth. I wish you would have come with me because then I'd know you were safe. We may not be able to live in our little suburban house and have an army of children, but at least we'd be together. Because I'm better when I'm with you. I make better decisions, I get along with Ian better, I just feel _better_. And it's all because of you.

I'm terrified that I'll never see you again and I'll never feel that feeling. That feeling of complete safety and harmony.

Stop laughing. Yes, I used the word harmony.

Okay, Ian's really turning into a pissy little bitch now so I'd better stop writing.

I love you, I miss you, and I can't wait until I see you again.

Kyle

P.S. One more thing. You said you wanted to know everything:

I took a dump today at 3:55. I'll inform you of all future bowel movements if case you want to keep track of my intestinal health.

* * *

><p>AN: Thanks for reading! Right now I have a basic outline and a few short letters written. There's no serious plot, it's just Kyle's feelings for Jodi. I doubt I'll update it more often than once a week but you never know.


	2. May 25

A/N: I didn't say before, but these aren't going to be very long. Most will be around 500 words, some a little more, some a little less. Enjoy!

* * *

><p>525  
>Dear Jodi,<p>

I know we said everyday, and I'm sure you're writing _everyday_, but it's been a little rough lately. I haven't gotten to sleep more than two hours at a time and to say I'm cranky would be an understatement. Even you wouldn't be able to break me out of my mood at this point. Okay, maybe you would, but I wouldn't like it. I like being the difficult asshole, because if I'm the one that wants to stay inside and sleep, I'm the one that's suggesting we get ourselves killed.

God, I miss you, baby. Sometimes at night it gets really cold, and all I want to do is curl up behind you and share some body heat. And I'm not even talking about doing it, just spooning. You have no idea how much I miss spooning. The feeling of your back pressed into my chest is just about the most calming thing I can think of. Sometimes I'll even pull my bag from under my head and wrap my arms around it. Ian laughs and tells me that I look like I'm sleeping with a teddy bear, but I don't correct him. It would be harder to explain how much I miss you than it would be to take his jokes.

But when I find you again, I'll give it back to him ten times harder. He makes fun of me now, when I'm at the lowest point I've ever been, then I'll make his life miserable once everything important is back in place.

Yes, that's meaning to say that you are the only thing that's important.

Well, you and a good chili dog, but that's another discussion for another day.

I guess there's not a whole for me to say this time around. Things have been pretty much the same, moving from place to place, scrounging up food wherever we can, trying to stay out of sight while we try to come up with a plan. No luck on the plan front yet. We're basically wandering around, lost and annoying the hell out of each other. Lately it seems like I don't have to do anything more than breathe to piss Ian off, and getting yelled at for breathing too loud is getting a bit old.

See how rough it's getting for me, baby? Even annoying Ian doesn't hold the same pleasure it used to.

I love you, I miss you, and I can't wait to see you again.

Kyle

P.S. I think I'm getting constipated. I haven't pooped in 6 days. Just so you know.


	3. June 4

A/N: Should have posted this last week but my computer was being a bitch. Here it is, just a little bit late.

* * *

><p>64  
>Dear Jodi,<p>

I dreamt about us again last night. It wasn't a sex dream either.

Yes, I'm shocked too.

We were just sitting on the swing on your parents' porch, like we used to do in high school. I put my arm around your shoulders and you snuggled in close to me, letting me keep you warm on a cool summer night. I was singing softly in your ear when I went for a high note, you giggled as my voice cracked. I think I sighed with every breath, so happy and content that nothing could ruin that moment.

It was probably the best dream I ever had, including the sex ones. But the sex ones are still pretty good too. If I get one of those tonight, I won't complain.

All I want is to be near you again. We don't have to sit on your parents' porch. Actually, I would prefer not to. Your dad never did trust us alone, no matter how old we got.

Smart man.

I just feel so messed up all the time and I know all I need is a well timed pat on my arm – or more likely slap to the back of the head – to keep me in check.

I know that if I had you with me, not only would I not be so desperate to have that dream again, but I wouldn't have to work so hard to keep the bad ones away.

You don't know how often I dream that I find you, only to discover you've been possessed and are only with me because you want to turn me into one of them. The worst part of that dream for me isn't that you're after me; it's that you're not you anymore.

There's nothing that scares me more than the thought of you being erased. To be able to see you but not talk to you? To hear your voice, but not have it say the words I need to hear? To have you eyes reflect back at me? That's the thought that keeps me up at night.

But tonight, I'm not dreading going to sleep (if you count dozing for 3 hours in the back of a cave sleep) because I'm hoping against hope that I'll get to sit with you on the porch again. I'm hoping to get you back, even if it is only in my dreams.

I love you, I miss you, I hope I see you tonight,

Kyle


	4. June 27

6/27  
>Dear Jodi,<p>

I walked past a pay phone today and thought about calling you. It was the middle of the afternoon and Ian and I had just finished finding something to eat. Our stomachs were borderline-full for the first time in a long time, and it was a great feeling. When we passed the phone, I slowed down and took a long look at it. It took everything in me to keep walking. Calls are even free now, which made it even more enticing, though I'm not entirely sure why. I wanted to pick up the phone and dial your number. I wanted to hear your voice on the other end of the line. I wanted to talk to you for hours about anything and everything. I just wanted to feel normal again.

I know that you're not there. I know that. That's why I didn't call. Hopefully no one in your family is still there, because if they are, they've probably been taken over by now. If I called and told those parasites who I was, they would have their "Seekers" after me in no time flat. I bet tracing a phone call is even easier for them than it was for us back when the world made sense.

So instead of calling you and telling you all of this, I'm writing it down, just like you wanted me to. I know everything I want to say to you, and since you're reading this, then you've gotten the opportunity to hear all of it already, but I'm going to write it again, because you can't hear it often enough.

I'm in love with you. Not the simple, school yard, you're-my-girlfriend-so-I'm-in-love-with-you kind of thing, but the real, honest, scary kind of love that makes me feel crazy and sane at the same time. I think about you constantly. You're everywhere. Sometimes it's hard to see things that remind me of you. I see a car that looks like yours, and I hope to see you driving by. I get my hands on some french fries, and I have to remind myself that you're the one that likes hot sauce on their fries, not me. Sometimes I'll just be walking next to Ian and he'll say something that reminds me of you and I'll get lost in thought and forget that he's talking to me for awhile. But the best times are when I remember something that made you smile, because whenever you're smiling, I'm smiling. It's almost involuntary.

So if I called you, that's what I would have said. Also, I would have let you know that I'm safe and that Ian's annoying the shit out of me, but he saved my life the other night, so I'm tolerating him a little better lately. But that's a story for another time. Hopefully I'll be able to tell you in person soon.

Love you, miss you, can't wait to hear your voice again,

Kyle

* * *

><p>AN: One of you asked if Kyle and Ian are still on the run at this point, and they are. If you're wondering why Kyle doesn't seem as panicked as maybe you think he should be given the circumstances, I'll let you know that Kyle letting Jodi know that he and Ian "found some food" means they pulled it out of a dumpster. He's sparing her for now. He may not always, but right now, he's trying to keep the worst of it from her. He loves her and doesn't want her to hear about his suffering. Right now, he still believes they are going to find each other again. I'm not going to lie, this section might go on for a little while longer before we get to the heartfail. I'm really enjoying writing lovesick Kyle. Bitter Kyle won't be as much fun.


	5. July 19

7/19

Dear Jodi,

God, I miss you. I know that's the theme of all of these letters, but that's because I write to you when I miss you the most. If it's even remotely bearable, I don't write because I don't want to bring up the feelings I've tried so hard to shove down. I hope that doesn't make you think I'm trying to forget you because I promise I'm not. I couldn't even if I wanted. It's just that sometimes it's easier to not think about you. I'm ignoring you, if that makes you feel better. I know it probably doesn't, but if you're reading this then I'll never ignore you again unless you try to talk to me about Dawson's Creek. I don't think I'll ever be able to stand to do that.

I just want to be with you. I saw a calendar yesterday and saw it was our anniversary. I thought about all the things I wanted to do with you (most of them were PG-13 but not all of them). Mostly I just wanted to show you that I love you. I haven't been able to tell you or show you in so long that if you're reading this then I'm sure I've told you a million times already but I'm going to tell you again.

If the world made sense, last night I would have taken you out for our anniversary. It would have been the first night in a while that we'd made time for each other since you would be so busy with grad school and me with the team. I would have picked you up about five minutes later know that you're never on time and I'd still be waiting ten minutes later. Not that you'd be a diva because you never are, you just get caught up in things and forget that you should be getting ready. Whether it's a book or a tv show or playing with Maxine (who I still maintain is more horse than dog) you're always engrossed in what you're doing and sometimes that means I have to wait. I don't mind. You're always worth the wait.

Once we were on our way, I would have given you your gift – probably a Barnes and Noble gift certificate since you get so much more excited about those than you do about jewelry – and we'd go to dinner. I'd give the waiter a dirty look when I take your coat off to make sure he knows you're mine. I know you don't like me being so possessive but it's hard when he looks like he wants to put his hands all over you.

Okay, this has changed from what I would do to what we're _doing_ but that fine. That's how real you are to me when I think about you. That's why I can't do it all the time. Things would start getting a bit awkward with Ian. Like they're not already.

I gotta go now. Gotta find something to eat.

I love you, I miss you, and I can't wait to take you out for our anniversary again,

Kyle

* * *

><p>AN: Sorry about the wait for this one. Life has been hectic for the last month or so (also my computer is evil) so it's been tough to find time to write. I'm getting a new computer sometime next week and unemployment is supplying me with lots of free time to write. Regular updates are a distinct possibility from here on out.


End file.
